Find What You Need

My writings and recommendations are inspired by my actual life experiences. On this page you can find a complete list of recommendations with links for you to buy recommended products for yourself. I hope you find my recommendations helpful and fun. Please note that I may collect a share of sales from the links on this page.

Blindfolds

A glorious aspect of blindfolds is that they are inexpensive and easy to use. Obviously any scarf or necktie can be used to block someone's sight, but I find that having a special piece that is reserved for sexy time is very helpful for getting in the right frame of mind. Bring out the blindfold when you want to signal to your partner that you are interested in playing. My recommendations are...

Soft Satin Eye Mask

This blindfold is flexible in size and tightness with a soft satiny feel.

The Mindfold

The Mindfold provides total vision blocking without pressing on your eyelids for a nice comfortable feel.

Blackout Mask with Cat Features

For more sass, this blindfold has a cat eye shape and comes in multiple colors.

Explore with Sensation

The variety of sensations are endless. Many sensations are easy to use and harmless while others come with great risk and require training. My husband and I have attended classes held by experienced trainers, usually in our local kink community, in order to learn how to play within our risk profile with wax and knives and rope. I implore you NOT to experiment with these types of sensations without training and guidance from trusted, experienced people. Contact your local sex shop or join the Fetlife community and search under events to find resources that will help you. When you are beginning, though, there are many safer ways to explore with sensation and here are my recommendations for your sensation kit...

Scratchy Finger Picks

Do you like the sensation of fingernails gently running across your skin? Then these always ready fingernails are right for you.

Soft Ostrich Feathers

Does a gentle touch give you pleasant goosebumps and chills? Then high end feathers brushing your skin are the sensation for you.

Slappy Crop and Whip

Are you curious to play with a little pain? Some slapping? This starter set of impact toys gives you variety to try.

Personal Lubricant

Whether you think you need it or not, using personal lubricant is a game changer. It offers a new sensation with its slippery feel and can help you to have longer, safer sexy time since it is more reliable than your natural lubricant. Finding the right lubricant for your body and your exact use will take some experimenting. Here are my recommendations to get you started...

Slippery Stuff Gel Lube

After much trial and error this is my preferred brand. Maybe it will work well for you too!

SLiquid Variety Set

This set gives you variety to try. Also, at 2oz each, you can bring them through TSA in your carry-on.

Vibrators

Vibrators are for all bodies. Most people find that vibrations are the fastest path to orgasm. Have you tried a few? There are vibrators that combine insertion with the sensations and others that stay outside, meaning to be pressed against your vulva or clitoris or any other body part where it feels good. Most people find that a vibrator is enjoyable on a penis as well. Unfortunately a safe, reliable vibrator can be $50 or more. It is important to buy a well made reliable one. Also, you can help keep it clean by putting a condom on it before each use. I will share lots more vibrator and sex toy tips in another piece, but for now I will share information on my recommended vibrators....

A Famous Rabbit Model

The idea behind this vibrator model is that more sensations and areas of stimulation are better. Considering its loyal fanbase, they are on to something very satisfying.

My Magic Orgasm

This started as a personal massager but has been a very reliable orgasm facilitator for people of all genders for decades - and it is my personal favorite.

A Secret Weapon

Most other vibrators can be bulky to transport so if you are looking to discreetly bring a vibrator on a sexy evening, this is the one for you.

Dildos

Dildos are toys - useful, fun toys. They can be inserted or rubbed against or used as a prop in sexy role play. They can look like an erect penis or not. They can be made of silicone or hard glass or steel. Don't limit yourself. Use your imagination when shopping for dildos and I am sure that you will find something you like. Life hack - always use a condom on your insertables to keep clean up easy. The variety available is wide, so here are my recommendations...

Stick It Down

This more traditional shape also has a strong suction cup to help you adhere - at the perfect height and angle for you- to any piece of furniture.

Useful and Inspiring Art

This maker is one of my favorites for a quality product and this model is so pretty. If you like to feel full then the thickness and ridges on this dildo is for you.

Getting to the (G)Spot

If you want attention on your gspot, then this is the sex toy for you. Its beautiful, clean design will reach all your favorite spots.

Absorbent Pads and Blankets

Save your mattress or floor or countertop or couch by covering it before you potentially get messy. I don't want to be thinking about cleaning a wayward lube handprint from my couch during sexy moments - or the relaxing moments after. There are many comfortable, affordable, and effective options that encourage you to get messy but keep it contained. My recommendations are....

Supersoft Washable Blanket

This blanket is helpful luxury. If you have a guest (or guests) they won't realize that this blanket is doing double duty.

What I Use - Easy Washable

These pads are light enough to travel with and wash so well. Also, they don't just block liquids but hold a volume as well. These are what I have been using for years.

Effective and Disposable

It doesn't get easier than absorbent paper-based pads that trap liquids and then get thrown away. Their light weight makes them less comfortable that the blanket and pad but still effective.

Porn and Erotica

Feeling sexy often requires changing your headspace from the daily grind to something more inspiring. Porn is easy to find, but I encourage you to look for ethically produced porn, which means the actors created it consensually and shared it willingly. Often that means that you need to pay for it but there are some websites where people share their own creations, such as Fetlife. I don't have any specific porn to recommend, but here are some of my favorite sexy reads...

Classic, Romantic, and Dirty

This collection of short stories has a facinating history of its own. I found it in college where my girlfriends and I passed it along to each other because it was so transformative.

Fun Fantasy

This story was written by Ann Rice, of Vampire fame, under the name Anne Rampling. It is surprisingly difficult to find now, but is unforgettable to me with its fantasy island theme.

Power Play Sexiness

This is a self-published book from an author (and nurse) I met at a comic convention. I loved that the heroine was mature, sexually experienced, horny, and badass.

Dildo Harness

Anal Toys

I have an interesting true story about anal play and how people perceive it. I realize that my husband and I are on the far side of the bell curve when it comes to how much we enjoy having our asses touched, kissed, played with, and penetrated, but we didn't realize how far to the edge we were until a trip to a lifestyle resort in the Caribbean. There we spoke to other couples willing to explore sexual pleasure but several of the men commented that anal sex with their partner was still on their bucket list. They had not been given permission by their partners, but also, it was clear that they hadn't put in the work necessary to build up to that level of safety and vulnerability. There is so much more to cover on this topic that I will definitely write about, but let's start with my advice to put a condom over any toy intended for insertion and try some personal exploration with these recommended items...

A Gentle Clean Start

Most people with hesitations on anal play focus on the pain and mess. Start with a simple enema and shower to dramatically reduce the potential mess. Also, remember those absorbent, washable pads.

Room to Explore

After you have explored with a lubed up finger, try something prettier. These plugs come as a set with the smallest a little over 1" wide. Use lots of lube and show off your new jewels to your partner.

Fun Set for Fun Times

As your exploration progresses you will want to try new shapes and sizes. Here is a fun set of anal toys to help keep your exploration interesting.

Restraints

I am going to be very clear and careful when talking about restraints. Only use restraints with someone you know well and trust highly. You don't know how you may react psychologically to being restrained. Every body is different so you don't know how your body will react to the feel or thickness or tightness or placement of any restraint. Have a way to check in with your partner and give honest feedback. Start slow - restraining one limb only or determine a time period like 5 or 10 minutes for the restraint. If you are curious about more elaborate restraints, look on Fetlife or at your local sex store for in person and on line classes where you can learn how to properly use all the fun restraint options.

A Good Starter Set

A set that includes light, soft, durable restraints and straps to go under your bed so you don't need points for attaching. I also like that the marketing material points out that any gender can be restrained.

A Must for Your Safety Kit

Whenever I participate in restraints I also have these safety scissors nearby. If a knot gets complicated or strap gets too tight or someone needs the bathroom urgently, speed is very important. It is much better to safely cut than keep the restrained person waiting.

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